Col. 3:18
Wives, be subject to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. (3:18)
The parallel exhortation in Ephesians expands this simple command: “Wives be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church. . . But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their own husbands in everything” (Eph. 5:22–24). In spite of its straightforward clarity, Paul’s simple statement has been widely challenged in our day, even by those claiming to be evangelicals. Many argue that Paul’s teaching on this theme is not Spirit-inspired, but reflects his chauvinistic, rabbinic attitude toward women. Such people seek to usurp the role of God and decide for themselves which parts of Scripture are inspired. Still others insist that Paul is mistakenly commenting on Genesis 2 instead of Genesis 1. Genesis 1, they argue, teaches the equality of the sexes, and is divinely inspired. Genesis 2, which implies the headship of the man, is viewed as a later, uninspired rabbinic gloss. That argument, however, rests on the thoroughly discredited documentary hypothesis of the composition of the Pentateuch. Finally, some insist that Paul’s teaching on authority and submission was cultural, and does not apply to our society. None of the critics, however, would argue that Paul’s statement in 3:19 is cultural and that men are no longer required to love their wives. All the attacks on this straightforward principle for behavior deal devastating wounds to the marriage. When a woman submits to the loving leadership of her husband and follows God’s intention for her, she is fulfilled and so is the husband. Efforts to reverse or confuse the duties of wife and husband destroy the blessing each is to be to the other.
The principle of authority and submission in the marriage relationship is found throughout the New Testament. Paul writes in 1 Corinthians 11:3, “Christ is the head of every man, and the man is the head of a woman.” He also penned this principle in 1 Corinthians 14:34–35: “Let the women keep silent in the churches; for they are not permitted to speak, but let them subject themselves, just as the Law also says. And if they desire to learn anything, let them ask their own husbands at home; for it is improper for a woman to speak in church.” To Timothy he wrote, “Let a woman quietly receive instruction with entire submissiveness. But I do not allow a woman to teach or exercise authority over a man, but to remain quiet. For it was Adam who was first created, and then Eve. And it was not Adam who was deceived, but the woman being quite deceived, fell into transgression” (1 Tim. 2:11–14).
Paul goes on to say that the woman is delivered from any stigma of inferiority to the man by the blessed achievement of raising up godly children (v. 15). Note also that Paul traces the woman’s submission back to the order of creation, not the Fall. Titus 2:5 instructs women to “be sensible, pure, workers at home, kind, being subject to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be dishonored.” Sarah’s obedience to Abraham is a model for other women to follow (1 Pet. 3:6).
Be subject to is from hupotassō, and means “to subject oneself.” It has the concept of putting oneself under (hupo), not by compulsion, but willingly. The term is used in Luke 2:51 to refer to Jesus’ subjection to His parents, and in Luke 10:17, 20 to describe demons being subject to the disciples. In Romans 8:7, Paul employs the word to speak of being submissive to the commands of God’s law. His use of it in Romans 13:1, 5 refers to the necessary submission of every person to governing authority, which is established by God. In both 1 Corinthians 15:27–28 and Ephesians 1:22, the verb looks to the time when all things in the universe are made subject to Christ and God in eternal glory.
Paul’s word to wives is be submissive to your husbands. They do not submit to some detached, impersonal authority. Rather, they submit to the man with whom they have an intimate, personal, vital relationship. Ephesians 5:22 adds the word “own” (“your own husband”) to demonstrate the uniqueness of this exclusive submission.
It is helpful to note several misconceptions about submission. First, submission does not imply inferiority. Galatians 3:28 clearly affirms that spiritually there is no difference between male and female. Jesus submitted to the Father during His life on earth, yet He was in no way inferior to Him. Second, submission is not absolute. Obedience in this passage is reserved for children and servants. There may be times when a wife must refuse to submit to her husband’s desires (If they violate God’s Word). Finally, the husband’s authority is not to be exercised in an authoritative, overbearing manner. The wife’s submission takes place in the context of a loving relationship.
That wives submit to their husbands is fitting in the Lord. The Greek form in this phrase expresses an obligation, a necessary duty. It is how He designed and commands the family to operate.